Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Eating Crow or How Evil Wal-mart Saved My Butt, Literally

So I pretty much hate Wal-mart and I don’t use the h word lightly. I won’t get into why because I vowed to promote only positivity through this blog. Let’s just say me and Wal-mart, well we’re on very different life paths. My family and some of my friends shop there; I don’t give them a hard time. We all make our own choices and do what works for us. My family likes to tease me about it, the same way they always say we’re going out to dinner, mka you wanna go to the K&W hahahaheeheehee, aren’t we funny? Yeah, you’re hilarious!

Thursday night after my amazing experience at The Santuary I had a celebratory dinner with Sarah (thanks SBD!) and then packed up the pup and headed to Mayodan to spend the night at my old house. I still have moving work to do there and I was planning to spend some time with my dad and bro on Friday morning in celebration of Dad’s upcoming birthday on Sunday. I arrived about 11 pm, unloaded the dog (who hates – there’s that word again – riding in the car) and all my stuff. Next I checked the mail. You see, my grandmother still hasn’t forwarded her mail (I lived there for over a year…) so the box was a bit full. Smashed into the middle of the mail pile I saw a yellow card from the City of Mayodan. Uh-oh, sometime during the move I had missed a water bill – oops – and since my grandmother hasn’t been checking the box regularly the water had been turned off on Tuesday! So there I was 11:15 pm, with a weary whippet and no water! I called my dad who, like his daughter, works 2nd shift so I knew he’d be awake. The conversation went something like this.

mka: Hi Dad, sorry to call so late. I tried your cell phone first but it was turned off.

Dad: Yeah, I turn it off when I come home at night.

mka: Oh, I wish you’d leave it on until you go to bed because I hate calling the house phone because I know Mom and Big Daddy are already sleeping.

Dad: I’m sorry. I’ll start leaving it on, that’s a good idea.

Very, very sleepy and grumpy Mom picks up the other line: Why are you calling so late?

mka: I got to Mayodan and the water’s been turned off. Please tell me that there is something other than Wal-mart open.

Mom: Just come stay here.

mka: No, it’s too late. You guys are sleeping and Annie’s not gonna wanna ride again and I don’t wanna pack up the car again. I’m tired.

Mom: snores

Dad: Honey, (laughs) I think Wal-mart is your only choice. Call me when you get back.

Alrighty then! I head out to Wal-mart, the place I never give my money to so that I can flush the toilet and brush my teeth. I was laughing my ass off and shaking my head all the way there. Never say never – how many times do I have to re-learn that lesson?

My plan was to kind of sneak in, buy a few jugs of water and slink back out to my car. Then I remembered that I was almost out of saline solution, and oh look they have those rewetting drops that I can never find, I better get two of those and I also need rubbing alcohol – if I buy that it’ll totally save me an errand tomorrow.

As I was walking to the register with my rolling basket containing 3 huge jugs of water, a bottle of saline solution, 2 boxes of contact lens re-wetting solution and a bottle of rubbing alcohol I thought I’ll pay with cash and that way there will be no evidence that I ever gave evil Wal-mart any of my money! Uh-huh. The bill came to $28 and some change and I had exactly $21 in my wallet so now there’s a debit on my bank account to prove that Ms. Liberal Environmental Organic Fair Trade You Get What You Pay For wimps out when she can’t flush the potty for one night. Sad, isn’t it?


Anonymous said...

walmart is the only place in HB you can buy underware. bb

mka said...

tee-hee bb!

Newbie YA Librarian said...

cauGreat meeting you MK! I can't wait for the google group for the retreat.

mka said...

good to meet you too newbie. the yahoo group will be up and running within a few days.